I had my daughter at 45 – trolls criticize me for being 'too old'

I had my daughter at 45 – trolls criticize me for being 'too old'

September 5, 2023

I had my daughter at 45 after suffering from fertility problems – but trolls constantly criticize me for being ‘too old’

  • Patti Avery from New Jersey gave birth to her daughter Avery at the age of 45 
  • READ MORE: I a new job but what I earn will barely cover the cost of childcare 

A mother has clapped back at trolls who criticize her for being ‘too old’ to be a parent.

Patti Avery Schmidt, from New Jersey, gave birth to her fourth child aged 45, but the content creator has met controversy after some followers claimed that she is too old to be a mother.

The mother-of-four, who experienced secondary infertility, has three sons with an approximate 20-year age gap between her youngest son and her daughter Avery.

Patti has been slammed with comments such as ‘When she’s 20, you’ll be 60, that’s so sad’, but she has addressed the disapproval in a TikTok that has received over one million views.

Now, viewers have flocked to the comments to offer Patti support, and one likened her situation to ‘pure joy’. 

Patti Avery Schmidt (pictured), from New Jersey , gave birth to her fourth child at 45 years old, but trolls claim she is too old to be a mother 

In the video, Patti discussed common misconceptions surrounding motherhood post 40, and provided an alternative view.

She said: ‘I want to address some of the common criticisms that older moms sometimes get.

‘First of all, women having babies in their forties isn’t a new thing. Childbearing years span decades, so why this is shocking to some people is beyond me.’

Patti went on to explain that one of the most common criticisms she has seen online is ‘that it’s not fair to have children in your forties because those children won’t have as much time with you as they would if you had them when you were younger.’

The mother-of-four responded to this claim and said: ‘The truth is, nobody knows how much time they have.

‘But let’s say, for the sake of the argument, that we all get the same number of years, and we all expire on the same exact day. Does that mean that we owe it to the next generation to give birth to them as young as possible?’

She added that not everyone is ready to give birth during their teens or 20s, but even if they are, they might be unable to find the right partner, or would prefer to become financially stable before having children.

Patti added: ‘It’s also really common for people to experience infertility, or in my experience, secondary infertility.’

The mother-of-four, who suffered from secondary infertility, countered common criticisms regarding childbearing over the age of 40 

She continued: ‘I planned on having our last child in my thirties, but when I was in my thirties, I had miscarriages.

‘The most carefully made plans can be completely out of our control, and it’s mind-boggling to me that anyone could think that a child has more or less right to exist based on the age of their mother.’

The next criticism Patti addressed was: ‘The increased risk of chromosomal abnormalities with advancing maternal age.’

But the mother explained: ‘The numbers vary a little bit according to source, but a recent one that I read said that at the age 30, a pregnant woman has a 0.1% chance of a baby with Down syndrome. Then, by the age 40, the number increases to 1%.

‘By the time I conceived my daughter at age 44, I had about a 2.5% chance of having a baby with Down syndrome.

Viewers flocked to the comment section to show their support and share similar experiences on the topic 

‘Conversely, I had a greater than 97% chance of having a baby with typical chromosomes who was perfectly healthy.’

Lastly, Patti responded to the claim that older mothers have less energy.

She said that while she had children in both her twenties and forties, she did not notice a significant difference in her energy levels while caring for her children.

She added: ‘I really believe that while there are genetic factors that are out of our control, our overall fitness and lifestyle choices have more to do with our mental and physical health than our age.’

Viewers flocked to the comment section to share their support with Patti. One user shared her similar experience and wrote: ‘My mom had me at 39. I’m 26 & she’s 66 now and we’re best friends. We’ve been to 7 countries together & next summer we’re going to Alaska.’ 

A second wrote: ‘My mom had me at 29 & we got 8 years. Seeing people become moms post 37 (her age when she died) is pure joy to me.’ 

A third added: ‘My grandma had my mom at 41 with no complications. My mom is now 53 and my grandma is 94.’ 

A fourth said: ‘Love seeing this as a 20 year old with a mom who gave birth at 44.’ 

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