\u201cHe hit me over the head with a full bottle of champagne and I don\u2019t remember anything else,\u201d recalls Ronnie O\u2019Sullivan Snr, of the night he stabbed Bruce Bryan to death in a club on Chelsea\u2019s King\u2019s Road and injured Bruce\u2019s brother Kelvin. \u201cBut I know I took that man\u2019s life and I know I hurt the other one.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t want to talk about this because it\u2019s not fair on the people that have lost their son. I\u2019m still alive, thank God, but if I hadn\u2019t done what I\u2019d done, I\u2019d be dead.\u201d<\/p>\n
When O\u2019Sullivan\u2019s mother, Maria, found out about her husband\u2019s arrest, she encouraged the management team of a 16-year-old Ronnie to send him away to a tournament in Thailand, so he might be distanced from the news when it broke. When he was eventually told his dad had been charged with murder, Ronnie screamed and collapsed. \u201cI\u2019ve always regretted sending him away, I was just trying to protect him,\u201d Maria says. \u201cI don\u2019t think he\u2019s ever forgiven me.\u201d<\/p>\n
Reflecting on the moment he found out, O\u2019Sullivan breaks down in tears, saying: \u201cNothing can prepare you for that. I couldn\u2019t make sense of any of it. I couldn\u2019t believe it.\u201d <\/p>\n
He remembers his dad\u2019s words after being sentenced to life in prison. \u201cHe said, \u2018tell my boy to win\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n
![](\"https:\/\/static.independent.co.uk\/2023\/11\/20\/13\/TheEdgeOfEverything_UHD_HDR_OnlineMaster_Ronnie%20Sofa%2010.11.34.08%202.jpg\")
<\/p>\n
O\u2019Sullivan on his playing his best snooker: \u2018It feels good. It feels powerful\u2019 <\/p>\n
The Amazon documentary charts O\u2019Sullivan\u2019s rise from a young boy whose father built a snooker room in their Essex garden, and whose talent was so clear that his father sat him down aged nine to tell him he would be the best in the world, to the superstar player who wrestled with drink and drugs on a mental health rollercoaster.<\/p>\n
It is a problem soothed in recent years by his relationship with the renowned sports psychologist Dr Steve Peters, but O\u2019Sullivan continues to search for happiness alongside the thing that most torments him: chasing snooker perfection.<\/p>\n
O\u2019Sullivan calls it a \u201ctoxic competitiveness\u201d and the best way he has found to deal with it is to detach himself from results, to stop himself obsessing over his game. But it remains a permanent struggle \u2014 only last week, he withdrew from the Champion of Champions tournament citing his mental wellbeing, saying he was \u201cdrained and stressed\u201d.<\/p>\n
\nI had moments when I was young when I felt invincible<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n
Among the talking heads recruited to unpick O\u2019Sullivan\u2019s mindset are his parents, who feature heavily in the documentary alongside previously unseen home video from his childhood, and his great rival Stephen Hendry, who describes O\u2019Sullivan as \u201ca genius\u201d whose record five-minute 147 is \u201cthe greatest thing that\u2019s ever happened in sport\u201d.<\/p>\n
Then there are his friends, the Rolling Stones guitarist Ronnie Wood and the artist Damien Hirst, who try to define the real Ronnie. \u201cChekhov said anybody can face a crisis,\u201d says Wood. \u201cIt\u2019s day-to-day living that drives you mad.\u201d<\/p>\n
O\u2019Sullivan has long been open about his mental health struggles, but perhaps more revealing is his admission of what he calls \u201cstage fright\u201d before snooker matches, even now, 30 years into a career with nothing left to prove.<\/p>\n
A clip during last year\u2019s World Snooker Championship final shows O\u2019Sullivan confiding in Dr Peters, while sitting in his dressing room. \u201cI feel like I want to cry,\u201d O\u2019Sullivan says. \u201cI don\u2019t even feel like I want to face it. I\u2019m looking at my cue, I feel like my eyes are blurry. I\u2019m scared, mate.\u201d<\/p>\n
It is worlds apart from Netflix\u2019s Beckham<\/em> series, an entertaning watch, but from which it is impossible to recall anything of significance that David Beckham said. Such is Beckham\u2019s dedication to his own clean brand that even his major flaw, infidelity, does not elicit an admission or apology but is brushed under the carpet.<\/p>\n
By contrast, there is a rawness to O\u2019Sullivan\u2019s documentary (incidentally co-produced by Beckham) which reveals weakness as well as depth of thought. It is clear that he spends too much time terrified of not being able to locate his best game, and becomes distressed when he doesn\u2019t. He worries about his advancing years and when his talents will fade.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
O\u2019Sullivan discusses his near-constant anguish playing snooker<\/p>\n
But he cannot walk away, no matter how many times he threatens to quit the sport. He is addicted to the pleasure of playing flawless snooker, on a euphoric plane no one else can reach, and in the documentary he describes that feeling in poetic detail.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s a place where you lose yourself. You don\u2019t think. Your mind feels clear, feels free. Free from any thought. It goes beyond that, in a way. It becomes very instinctive, and quiet, but yet very sharp. It\u2019s like you\u2019re razor sharp. It\u2019s like you\u2019re floating. It feels like you\u2019ve got all the time in the world. And yeah, it\u2019s just good. It feels good. It feels powerful.<\/p>\n
\u201cI had moments when I was young when I felt invincible. I know what that feeling\u2019s like and I love it. I want that high.\u201d<\/p>\n
The latter part of the documentary shows his World Championship victory in 2022 \u2013 a record-equalling seventh crown \u2013 and captures the conversations with his opponent immediately after the final, Judd Trump, and with his father.<\/p>\n
As they embrace, Trump says: \u201cYou\u2019re the best player of all time, I love you man,\u201d which brings tears from the champion.<\/p>\n
While posing for photos, O\u2019Sullivan\u2019s father asks: \u201cThat\u2019s it now isn\u2019t it? Done now, aren\u2019t you?\u201d <\/p>\n
His son responds: \u201cI don\u2019t know, mate\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
More than a year later, he is still going. O\u2019Sullivan has won everything there is to win in snooker, but giving up is the hardest part.<\/p>\n