These 30 cracker gags are the best of the bunch – how many have you pulled?December 23, 2021
SEEING the news recently, you could be forgiven for feeling a little glum.
But with Christmas Eve upon us, it’s time to – as someone once sang – let in light and banish shade.
In the spirit of keeping our collective chins up this festive season, here we bring you some of the funniest – and, yes, cheesiest – Christmas gags around.
If your cracker lets you down, fear not – these are guaranteed to put a smile on your face.
WHY did Santa have to go to hospital? Because of his poor elf.
WHO is never hungry at Christmas? The turkey – he’s always stuffed.
WHAT goes “Oh, Oh, Oh”? Santa walking backwards.
WHAT did Santa do when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker.
WHY was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose.
WHAT does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas? Twerky.
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WHY are Christmas trees so bad at sewing? They always drop their needles.
HOW did the bauble get addicted to Christmas? He was hooked on trees his whole life.
WHAT’S worse than Rudolph with a runny nose? Frosty the Snowman with a hot flush.
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WHY wouldn’t the cat climb the Christmas tree? It was afraid of the bark.
HOW much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing, it was on the house.
WHAT’S red, white and blue all over? A sad candy cane.
WHAT does a stingy sheep say? Baaaaaa-humbug.
WHAT’S Santa’s favourite type of music? Wrap.
WHAT do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve? Sandy Claws.
WHAT happens if you eat Christmas decorations? You get tinselitus.
HOW do you wash your hands over Christmas? With Santa-tizer.
WHAT does Santa do when his elves misbehave? He gives them the sack.
WHY don’t you ever see Santa in an NHS hospital? Because he has private elf care.
WHAT’S the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the normal alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has noel.
WHAT did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree? Nice gnawing you.
WHY did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? Because they were two deer.
WHAT happened to the man who stole an advent calendar? He got 25 days.
WHAT do they sing at a snowman’s birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow.
WHY did the Grinch go to the off-licence? He was searching for some holiday spirit.
WHY couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party? He had no body to go with.
WHAT is Olivia Colman’s favourite part of a turkey? The Crown
WHAT does Prince George play at Christmas instead of musical chairs? Game Of Thrones
WHAT does the Queen call her Christmas Broadcast? The One Show.
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