ESPN’s Fartgate deepens with widespread denials, reckless speculation

ESPN’s Fartgate deepens with widespread denials, reckless speculation

April 18, 2019

The first take was Max Kellerman.

We’re getting second and third takes, and even some conspiracy theories, but what we’re not getting is answers.

Exploring deeper, the noise from the bottom could have come all the way from the top (or from the side, off-air).

The fart that rocked ESPN on Monday, when the hot air-spewing “First Take” was interrupted by a cough that may have been intentionally concealing an unmistakable toot, is still a mystery two days later, and is still distracting the crew from screaming about, uh, whether Russell Westbrook is overrated or underrated, apparently.

Leading the probe has been ESPN’s Dan Le Batard, who grilled Kellerman about the fart Tuesday but uncovered nothing; the co-host denied it (which, scholars maintain, may mean he supplied it).

“I’m disappointed that yesterday on ‘First Take,’ somebody was gassy and no one has taken inventory on who that person was,” intrepid journalist Le Batard said, hopping on “First Take” on Day 3 of Fartgate. “I accused Max Kellerman of it on the air. Max Kellerman disputed it. It doesn’t leave a lot of people.”

It leaves two: Stephen A. Smith and Molly Qerim. Unless the back draft came from off screen, and that’s where Le Batard started recklessly speculating.

“I think it might have been Pablo [Torre] off set and everyone’s covering for him,” he said, perhaps slanderously.

Each of the three-person crew not only denied being the supplier, but denied the fart’s existence at all.

“Did anyone smell something?” Kellerman asked.

“No, we didn’t,” Smith answered suspiciously quickly. He then defended Kellerman, saying if he had heard the flatulence, you would have seen his nose twitch.

Of course, Smith stumbled over his words seconds after the noise, suggesting his mouth may have been doing the twitching.

“I wouldn’t be ashamed to admit [farting],” Smith said.

“It was nobody,” Querim said. “It smells like roses and flowers around me at all times.”

Something sure does smell funny.

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