The only relationship I want is with a dominatrix who punishes me during sex

April 4, 2022

DEAR DEIDRE: I LOVE to be slapped about, bruised and dominated when it comes to my sex life.

I’m a single man of 42 and I’ve never had a long-term relationship with anyone. I went to an all-boys school and was an only child.

For more advice from Dear Deidre

No issue is too small, too large or too embarrassing. Read our personal replies here.

Dear Deidre on Mental Health
Dear Deidre on Identity
Dear Deidre on Debt and Money
Dear Deidre on Work
Dear Deidre on Health and Wellbeing
Dear Deidre on Addiction

Growing up, I felt my parents didn’t really want me around. You could say my experience with women is minimal.

My social life is limited because I run a franchise of fried chicken shops and the hours are long.

I tried dating apps but got nowhere.

I was taken to a dominatrix website through a pornography site I was looking at. The women on there are from all walks of life.

There were housewives, police officers and hairdressers, who all enjoyed being dominatrixes in their private time.

I tentatively arranged to meet one of these women, who is 35, in a local pub.

I felt so excited when she walked in wearing a long coat and I got a little peek of her PVC basque.

She took me back to her flat after a couple of drinks, which I needed for Dutch courage. She undressed me and made me go on all-fours like a dog.

She then dropped her coat to the ground and pushed me down with her stiletto heels. It was agony when she walked over my back.

When I left I looked like I had been in a punch-up, but it was exhilarating.

The sex at the end was incredible after the degrading foreplay. I’ve been with five other women like this since and I love it.

These women are not sex workers and I don’t pay them, so I wonder if their actions may be an expression of affection for me.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to [email protected]

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Feeling like a beaten man is liberating for me.

I don’t think I want a conventional relationship while I can get this sort of sex to satisfy my desires.

Most read in Dear Deidre

DEIDRE'S STORIES

Miles lies to girlfriend Jess that he's been busy at work

DEAR DEIDRE

I've turned to drugs to cope with boyfriend's cheating – but I still love him

FEEL ASHAMED

I am scared to end up in another relationship after being in an abusive one

IN DENIAL

Mum says she will cut back on drinking but can't admit she has a problem

DEIDRE SAYS: Your love of being with a dominatrix most likely goes back to your cold family background, where punishment was the most attention you probably received.

Pain can sometimes release endorphins in the same way as laughing, dancing or having sex.

High levels of arousal diminish the “disgust” response so a beating, ordinarily thought of as repulsive, can become a source of erotic excitement.

If you do not want a long-term relationship that is your call but I think you will tire of these short-term thrills, which ultimately leave you alone.