Robbie Williams is right, sometimes there's 'no sex after marriage'April 26, 2023
When you google ‘sexless marriage’ you’ll find a sea of articles offering advice on how to ‘fix’ the problem. But Robbie Williams and wife Ayda Field have admitted they rarely have sex. And actually, they’re doing just fine.
In a joint interview with The Sun, Robbie explained that his libido dropped after he stopped taking testosterone to treat his depression.
‘No sex in a marriage is only a problem if you’re on different pages; if one person wants it, and the other doesn’t; if you have different expectations or requirements,’ he said.
‘But really, everyone knows there is no sex after marriage. That’s just the way it is.’
His latter statement will no doubt irk those who are happily wed and getting theirs (no, marriage doesn’t have to kill sex, thank you very much).
But in a world where ‘the greatest sex myth is that everyone else is having loads of fantastic sex,’ plenty of other couples will find the interview ‘very empowering’, says Lucy Beresford, broadcaster and psychotherapist.
‘The important thing is to check that both of you are indeed happy about having little or no sex,’ the author of Happy Relationships: at home, work and play tells Metro.co.uk.
‘So long as you are on the same page, and feeling a strong connection because of other things you do with and for each other, that’s wonderful.’
Getting an accurate idea of how many people are in so-called ‘sexless marriages’ is tricky, because it’s not usually a topic that invites such open and honest discussion. Some studies estimate between 15 and 20% of long term relationships are ‘sexless’, while others say it’s over a quarter.
Mental health and medication are among the most frequently cited causes, which is what makes Robbie’s interview so brilliant – even if you don’t agree with every part.
His actress wife Ayda, who married Robbie back in 2010, also insisted relationships aren’t necessarily ‘lacking’ without sex.
‘Intimacy is the important, meaningful side of love,’ she said.
‘I have friends who feel obliged to have sex with their husbands and that must be awful. Me and Rob are on the same page. We are happy.’
It’s a sentiment that was echoed by Don, a 41-year-old reader who took part in Metro.co.uk’s sex diary series, How I Do It.
Dom explained how he and his wife of 12 years are in a sexless relationship by choice. They sleep in the same bed, hold hands when they’re out, and still cuddle and kiss – but sex is no longer a priority.
‘We love each other and love making each other happy,’ he said. ‘Our relationship might be sexless, but it’s certainly not loveless.’
There’s support out there if you’re in a sexless relationship and you’d like to get back to it, but therapist Lucy says if you’re both happy ‘don’t get hung up about whether or not you should be doing something different’.
‘A dry spell can be a chance to re-evaluate what you personally and you as a couple want in terms of intimacy – just make sure it doesn’t turn into what one of my friends called ‘the Gobi desert!’ she says.
‘If both of you are at a stage in life where work or children or house-renovation are taking centre stage, check-in with each other on a daily basis in other intimate ways, such as sending loving notes or texts, giving a shoulder rub, holding hands, or planning a date night to develop intimacy in other non-sexual ways.
‘If the situation is working for you both, great.’
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