My mother rejected me because I was a boy and told me I was a 'mistake'

My mother rejected me because I was a boy and told me I was a 'mistake'

January 28, 2022

DEAR DEIDRE: MY mother told me she never wanted me because I was a boy. She rejected me and her cruelty has had a huge impact on my life.

I’m now 39 and have never had a relationship with a woman – romantic or otherwise.


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I have always been alone and struggle to trust anyone, particularly women.

When I was a kid, other children used to beat and bully me. My sisters did too.
My mum never stood up for me or protected me.

When I was seven, I asked her why. She said she did not like boys and I had been a “mistake”.

At 15, I tried to take my own life – the first of several attempts. But the bullying did not stop.

Since I left school, I’ve failed at every job I’ve had as I find it so hard to talk to people, form any kind of relationship or ask for help.

I don’t fancy men but I can’t be with a woman because of the way my mum and sisters treated me.

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I’ve been to the doctor for depression but he just fobbed me off with pills.

I feel such a failure. My life is so empty.

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DEIDRE SAYS: You’re not a failure. You’re a survivor. And there is still time to turn things around.

Please believe you are capable of love. You just haven’t been shown how to love because your background was so cold.

Talking will help you. You can find support through Help For Adult Survivors Of Child Abuse at havoca.org.

You can also speak with the Campaign Against Living Miserably (thecalmzone.net, 0800 58 58 58).

My support packs on Social Anxiety, Raising Self-Esteem and Widening Your Social Scene will help.

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