My girlfriend is secretly married and her husband is the father of 'our' child

My girlfriend is secretly married and her husband is the father of 'our' child

February 24, 2019

We met two years ago and soon fell in love. She is 29, I am 31. We lived 50 miles apart at that time so could not see one another as much as we wanted, but our relationship was still good.

She told me her work as a nurse meant long, unsocial hours but we managed to spend a weekend together once a month.

Our sex life is the best I’ve ever known and we’d happily spend most of our time together in bed.

Close to our first anniversary, she said she needed to see me as soon as possible and I was really worried about what was wrong. I feared all sorts.

When we met she told me she was pregnant. I was over the moon — and when she could see I was happy, she was too. She then introduced me to her mother, and we got on great as well.

She was very well throughout the pregnancy and we agreed that once the baby arrived, we would get a place together close to where she lives and works, so I could help take care of the baby.

All our plans were falling into place and we got a flat three months ago.

Then one night she dropped the bombshell that she is still married. It had never occurred to me.

Worse still, her husband was claiming our son is his child. She kept swearing she never had sex with her husband around the date she got pregnant, and I believed her. But DNA tests have shown that he is in fact the father and my head is all over the place.

She wants us to be together as a family and have a future together but I am not sure about my feelings towards her now.


It’s explained in my e-leaflet, Understanding The G Spot. Email the address below or private message me on Facebook for a copy.

DEIDRE SAYS: Perhaps she convinced herself that you were the father because she very much wanted you to be.

However, her marriage was a very big secret to keep from you when you had made a commitment to one another, and even more so once she knew she was pregnant.

You should only stay with her if you are sure that you would feel able to trust her not to deceive you in the future.

And are you confident you can love another man’s child as your own and not always see him as a reminder of her deception? His biological father would have a duty to help support him and I would hope he would want to be involved in his life as a loving dad.

If you are not sure, it is unfair to raise a child together in an atmosphere of resentment and mistrust.

These are big questions. If you are uncertain, talk it all over in confidence with an unbiased counsellor. Contact British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (

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