My best pal had a secret boyfriend who she had a baby with with – it was my dad

My best pal had a secret boyfriend who she had a baby with with – it was my dad

July 13, 2022

I’ve discovered that my late dad had a long-running fling with my best friend.

Their affair started during my 18th birthday party.

She drank too much cider and he drove her home.

Days later they secretly met up for a walk in the woods and things developed from there.

I was jealous when she used to brag about her sexy, older boyfriend. She’d boast he was gentle, generous, and funny. I had no idea she was describing my dad.

She kept their secret until he went to his grave.

He died last year and it was the day after his funeral that she came to me and told me everything. They were together for 10 years. He swore her to secrecy.

He worked all over the country selling garden products and was often away from home. He rented a caravan that we knew nothing about, and he’d meet her for sex behind my mum’s back.

When she got pregnant at 23 my mate told me that the father was a soldier she’d met in a pub.

I supported her throughout and was even there at the birth of my own half-sister!

My dad is no longer here to answer my questions and I’m mad. My friend begs me to forgive her. She maintains that my late dad loved her with all of his heart and treated her properly, and they only split because he got ill and told her she needed her life back.

She begs me not to think badly of her or him. But how am I supposed to respond or cope?

My mum now lives in Spain with her new partner (she and dad split before he died). Does mum deserve to hear the truth?

JANE SAYS: There’s no denying that this is a delicate and complicated story.

You’re upset and confused, but I can’t help thinking that your friend needs your continued help and support. She was extremely young when she got with your dad.

None of us can know or understand what went on bet-ween them but she’s still the same person you’ve always known.

You’re conflicted because you loved your late father but have now discovered that there was a whole other side to his personality.

As you rightly say, he’s no longer here to answer for himself, but your friend and her young daughter are vulnerable and needy.


Tempting as it might be to hate your father or hate her, you can’t turn back time. What’s done is done.

I think your mother does deserve the truth so that you all know where you stand but your friend is the person who needs to speak to her because this is her story.

I realise that you feel overwhelmed but you must not allow this bombshell to exhaust or bring you down.

Take care of your mental and physical health – eat well, exercise and take one day at a time. Keep talking to your friend. Does she need professional support?

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