I can't believe I'm the sort who would cheat on my wife — but I had sex with my ex

I can't believe I'm the sort who would cheat on my wife — but I had sex with my ex

January 28, 2022

DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD sex once with an old girlfriend and later we agreed it would never happen again. But I have been racked with guilt ever since and cannot forget it.

I am 33, my beautiful wife is 29 and we are celebrating nine years of marriage next month.

We have a six-year-old daughter and, although our marriage isn’t always perfect, we are right for one another.

I work on a large IT sales team, while my wife has scaled down her career to work part-time so she is able to do the school run and so on.

I was on a training course not far from my home town and took the opportunity to go to my mum and dad’s for the evening. I planned to stay over, so I went to my old local for a drink after tea.

A girl who I’d not set eyes on since we were teenagers walked in. She is my age and looked great.

We got chatting and reminiscing about what chemistry there used to be between us, though we had never acted on it when we were young.

We finished up going back to her place “to share a bottle of wine”. She is divorced and I admit I was excited, as I knew where it would lead.

We had a great evening and ended up having sex. It was good, though not mind-blowing and, as soon as it was over, we agreed it was a one-off experience.

She told me not to beat myself up about it — that it was just for old time’s sake and to forget it.

I love my wife and can’t believe I am the sort of guy who would cheat. This one time has made me feel ill. It was six months ago but is on my mind all the time.

My wife even said I was looking strained the other day and she was getting worried about me.

I know if I tell her it will instantly end our marriage.

I just don’t know what to do with all the guilt I am carrying around every day.


TWO in five women admit they are sexually dissatisfied.

Often neither they nor their partner understand how different female sexual responses are.

My e-leaflet How To Thrill A Woman In Bed can help. For

For a copy email [email protected] or private message me on my DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

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DEIDRE SAYS: Guilt is a horrible emotion and achieves nothing. What is important is to learn from this lesson life has given you. What was that cheating really about?

You say you and your wife are right for one another but your marriage isn’t perfect.

Has it gone quiet on the sexual front? Or have you and your wife stopped finding time to talk together and pay each other attention rather than staring at the telly or your phones?

Is your wife missing the stimulation of a more demanding career or do you have less to talk about now your days are so different?

Whatever is stopping your marriage being perfect, don’t just let it lie. Work on it. Positive efforts will drive that guilty memory away – and my e-leaflet Feeling Guilty? can help, too.

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