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December 20, 2018

The Christmas Dragons who made neighbors shit out flames of rage!

Fantasy writer Diana Rowland decorates the front lawn of her house in Louisiana with a flock of dragons (which is the name of my heavy metal goth-ified Flock of Seagulls cover band) for Halloween. Diana and her husband loved ’em so much that they slapped some Santa hats and garland on their dragons and brought them out for the holiday season. They’ve been doing this for a minute and nobody has cared until this year. You would think that the answer to the question, “Who doesn’t love an inflatable lawn dragon in a Santa hat?” would be: No one. But apparently, that’s not the case.

One of Diana’s passive aggressive neighbors slipped her an anonymous ALL-CAPS typed note about how her Christmas dragons were destroying Jesus. If the note included, “DOARK-SIDED,” “UNGODLY,” “GORGYLES,” and “YOU ARE NOT A CHRIIIIIISTIIIAAAAN,” I’d tell God Warrior to calm down.

“YOUR DRAGON DISPLAY IS ONLY MARGINALLY ACCEPTABLE AT HALLOWEEN. IT IS TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE AT CHRISTMAS. IT MAKES YOUR NEIGHBORS WONDER IF YOU ARE INVOLVED IN A DEMONIC CULT. PLEASE CONSIDER REMOVING THE DRAGONS. MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND HELP YOU TO KNOW THE TRUE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS.”

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